Your Struggle Is Only As Strong As Your Resistance
I was in Teotihuacan, Mexico, with Freedom Folk and Soul participating in the “Toltec Medicine Wheel of Transformation,” a map of transformation that encourages deep inquiry, rewriting our stories, building self-love, and personal freedom through powerful, experiential ceremonies, rituals, and teachings.
While I awaited my turn to participate in a potent ‘cutting the cords’ ceremony, I sat in front of a mirror with a candle, staring into my eyes, and I was feeling resistance in my chest. It felt like a ball of fire that was growing slowly.
My eyes looked angry, my lips were pursed, and my face was hot.
Why am I feeling resistant? What is that all about? I DON’T want to feel this way.
I was feeling resistance around my female teacher and another woman in the group. I asked myself, “Why?!?” over and over again while gazing into the mirror.
After about 20 minutes, it came through.
I am resistant to receiving love, particularly from women.
As this truth came through me, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
This has impacted every relationship in my life.
No wonder I have problems developing deep, intimate relationships.
All those times I thought it was others, it was me!
The tears started coming and didn’t stop for about a day and a half. A river of grief began leaking out of me.
I was feeling grief and anger when one of the women held out her hand to help me up from the floor. I shooed away her hand.
I don’t need your help.
Resistance.
She placed a blindfold over my eyes, gently led me to the ceremony, and guided me to sit in a chair.
My teachers were drumming, singing, whispering suggestions, and clearing me with a bundle of wet flowers. They were cutting the cords to my ancestors and the generational trauma and shame that was passed on to me through my lineage.
I’m so angry and resistant; I don’t want to feel this way. I want to stop it now!
I could feel the anger burning and growing inside of me even as they were gently stroking me and giving me love.
I have to stop this resistance now! I don’t want it!
I reached out through my resistance and wrapped my arms around the waist of my female teacher, and hugged her womb. I immediately started sobbing.
She held me and gave me love, and I opened the floodgates for the river of grief to pour out.
After the ceremony, as a master-apprentice, I was supposed to help facilitate the ceremony for others. I was unable to. I couldn’t stop the grief. My teachers encouraged me to allow it to flow, so I did.
For a day and a half, I couldn’t stop crying. So much grief over all the failed relationships and all the ones that weren’t fully realized, partially because I had resistance.
This was truly my soul, showing me clearly what needed to be addressed.
I recently set the intention of building deeper relationships and a deeper community where I live, and this is what needed to be revealed.
When this came up, I had two choices: 1) Stuff it down and move on — as I did through most of my life, or 2) Allow myself to feel the grief that I have been carrying in my body for decades and move the energy of resistance out.
As a transformational coach, option #2 is what I always recommend to my clients because I know, through experience, this is what needs to happen to move forward.
Allowing myself to feel emotions that are painful is essential to healing, making change, and moving forward in my life.
If I took option #1, this challenge would continue to come up over and over again and prevent the intimacy that I crave. I needed to let the awareness come in and the grief to flow in order to start making changes and lift my resistance to receiving love.
After all, my struggle is only as strong as my resistance. If I can release my resistance, I am also releasing my struggle.
Since I had this experience, my heart has been more fully open, and I bring my new awareness to every relationship, and I have been able to keep the resistance at bay while continuing to pull this thread that has protected me since I was very young.
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Tina Green is the “Self-Love Queen,” and she is the Founder and Transformational Coach at Exposing The Roots. She is also the Director of Communications and Operations at Freedom Folk and Soul.
Through her coaching, writing, Toltec Sacred Journey Breathwork, sacred rituals, women’s circles, and retreats, Tina partners with women to increase their self-love. She is especially passionate about women loving their bodies!
Tina believes that when a woman learns to love herself, everything changes, and anything is possible.
Tina is an ordained Minister of the Healing Arts, Toltec Sacred Journey Breathwork Facilitator, #1 Best-Selling Author, trained Life Coach, and Chef.
Tina brings her vital mother energy and lived experience to everyone she serves.
She also has 20 years of experience as an executive in non-profit and financial services.
Tina lives with her husband and two teenage daughters in Northern California. She is a personal transformation enthusiast, life-long student, foodie, outdoor adventurer, music and theatre lover, and traveler.
